We all watch porn and enjoy its different forms but we hardly ever have discussions about this in public. Richa Kaul Padte’s book Cyber Sexy: Rethinking Pornography talks about the different ways in which Indians consume and perceive porn. This book is an initiation of dialogue about porn that we were all waiting for. By the end of this book, we realise that our desires are nothing to be embarrassed about because we learn that we aren’t ever alone, not even in the ways we want to be pleasured.
It starts with the history of the word ‘pornography’ and proceeds to tell us how like everything else in the world, only upper-class men were allowed to enjoy it at first. She then goes on to tell us about how Indians have explored porn through the ages. Having done extensive research and interviews, the author shares the stories of several Indians who grew up with the Internet in India. She shares the story, for example, of a woman growing up in Dubai in the 1990s who after chancing upon different chatrooms discovered that she was lesbian in her teens. The anonymity offered by the chatrooms, this participant says, allowed them to ask questions of older members who seemed welcoming and helped her understand her desires and overcome her apprehensions.
Padte tells her readers about the myriad ways in which Indians experience porn. Indians don’t get to talk about it in real life but we’ve found an interesting creative outlet on the Internet. One of her interviewees talks about how she was a popular fanfiction author of a book about the romance between the male protagonists of the popular Hindi serial which was inspired by Twilight. Humans are creative and so are the ways in which they want to feel desired. She even tells us about how someone who was visually impaired found ways to pleasure himself with audio cassettes in a language his parents couldn’t understand!
This book raises questions about society’s need to ‘shield’ children and women from experiencing a sexual awakening. It talks about the laws that govern pornography and breaks them down so well that one actually understands them and realises that porn in India, even if consensual is illegal. But is that stopping us Indians from consuming, creating and enjoying it? It most certainly is not. The participants of Padte’s research remind us how there isn’t much Indian content. This is where she asks us to pause and consider that if making porn in India is illegal, what is to say that the Indian porn available online is consensual? She goes on to highlight revenge porn and instances where rape videos are uploaded on porn websites. As shocking as it sounds, videos like this do make up Indian porn.
The other important aspect of sex and pleasure that Padte talks about is feminist porn. Emphasizing that feminist porn considers the rights, pleasure and consent of all (her italics) the people involved — on- and off-screen, she writes, “Feminist porn isn’t porn for women, but it is porn that takes women’s pleasure into account as much as a man’s. It’s porn that sees women in leading roles: initiating sex and going after what (and who) they want. Feminist pornographers also make sure actors, crew and directors are paid well, have safe working conditions and that everyone has consented to the sex taking place.”
What makes this book a pleasure to read is that it feels as if the author is directly talking to us and telling all these stories. There is not one moment when it feels like a lecture about the denial of sexual liberty to the marginalized. It shares, celebrates and in many instances, calls out our reality. This book starts an important conversation in our heads about not just porn and sexuality but the way our world functions around us. The concept of consent forms a huge part of this book. In a country where generations have grown up without sex education and watching the marginalised submit to men in authority, consent as a concept can be difficult to digest. The author cites some brilliant examples from her interviews about people sharing their nude photographs online out of their own volition and feeling sexually empowered.
Padte brings awareness of the patriarchal power structures that influence the decisions made for our society without directly talking about it. She talks about the abuse and violence that comes along with making something that is such a huge part of society illegal. In the digital era, there are several layers of consent that one needs to navigate around. This book talks about consent as an organic part of the sexual process, which it is while emphasizing the different levels of consent that one needs to always keep in mind- consent for sex, consent for filming, consent for uploading and sharing. She writes that unless we stop saying that sex is inherently bad for women, we will never be able to tackle the violence around pornography.
At the end of the book, she tells us that the only way to legalize it is by talking about it. Only if we start a conversation about the things that give us pleasure can we make our experiences better. This book gives all the facts without sensationalizing them. But what is there to sensationalize about something that is such a huge part of our lives? Indians, like the rest of humanity, are sexual too!